Quoting America
by LibraMoon
Summary: There was a reason the nations stopped listening in on America's conversations. Slight Crack. Just for fun. FemAmericaxnations. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

_**Dear Readers, **_

_**This is meant to be slightly crackish. No pairings. Just for laughs. FemAmericaxNations misunderstanding. Let me know who else you want.**_

_**Thank you. I own nothing. Rated M for innuendo. **_

OoOoOo

There was a reason the nations stopped listening in on America's conversations.

OoOoOo

Prussia was only leisurely strolling by, bored to near tears that Germany was taking so damn long. He paused briefly when he heard voices behind a closed door.

HIs inner mischief maker reared its head.

"-Oh come on. You know I'm right," he heard America state quite loudly. "Just look at him. With those red eyes and amazing coloring."

Red eyes? Was she talking about him?

"I don't know," a deeper voice responded. Was that the Netherlands. "It's just white."

How un-awesome of the Netherlands to be so jealous of Prussia. The albino nation narrowed his eyes at the door.

"Well, fine dude, whatever. When I look at him, I just want to take him home and keep him forever!" She declared with a squeal. And honest to goodness squeal.

Prussia grinned in delight and strutted down the hall. Perhaps this meeting wasn't so un-awesome after all.

Besides, how could a guy be upset when America wanted to take him home? He made a mental note to hang around America more often. It wouldn't do to keep her from his sheer awesomeness all the time.

Inside the room, however, America pressed the rabbit closer to the Netherlands.

"Come on," she coaxed sweetly, "you know you like them too."

And The Netherlands held the animal and stroked it gently.

"Yes. I do."

OoOoOo

"-Great Dane," America's voice floated in his ears and Denmark through the window quizzically.

What was she talking about? Danes?

He could see her speaking with England enthusiastically.

"He is just amazing," she gushed and Denmark felt his heart skip a beat. "The best! I have never seen anything like him. I've heard Danes can be frisky though, but I don't mind."

Denmark blinked. She was... going on about him to England? England? Really? Well, he was like her father, Denmark supposed.

"America," England said patiently, "are you sure you can handle him?"

America nodded quickly, her eyes sparking.

Handle Denmark? What was going on? Did America need England's permission to date someone? And what the hell did he mean by _handle_ him? So he got drunk a few times a week, he wasn't a walking disaster or anything... no matter what Norway said.

"Of course! You have no idea how much I want him." America said before laughing an running out the door. Denmark watched as England shook his head.

The Nordic nation felt himself blush. Well, he had to think about this. As he left he didn't hear England muttering.

"Great... America getting a dog. Now it will show up to every bloody meeting."

Later, America was confused as to why Denmark winked at her during her presentation. She smiled anyway. Maybe that was his way of showing his support?

OoOoOo

The Netherlands was on his way to trade with Lithuania, when he stopped by the market. He spotted Poland speaking to America.

"-I love Dutch. Like hot. Sooo fucking hot, but really strong. In a good way. However, so sweet at the same time. Makes you want more." America prattled on to Poland who only nodded.

"Oh, I like... know what you mean."

The Netherlands felt his eyes bulge as he started at them with a mixed look of approval and horror. Is this what the other nations did when he wasn't around? Talk about how hot and strong he was? Well, that wasn't really a bad thing.

America giggled and placed a hand on Poland's shoulder.

"If I wasn't so sure it would kill me," she said with a sly grin, "I'd have take it eight times a day."

The Netherlands felt his mind go into overdrive at the sexual thought. He slowly backed away, trying not to grab America right then and there to convince her that he certainly wouldn't kill her.

Even if they did it eight times a day.

After he left, Poland nodded to America. "Yeah, I feel the same way about coffee. I like... can't get enough of the stuff."

"No kidding, but dude, the next time you come by you totally have to try Dutch Brothers. The best coffee around bro. The best!"

America and Poland set a date for him to visit.

OoOoOo

"-South Korea and Japan really tore into me," America said wearily to Estonia as China walked by.

Hm. Served that arrogant and prideful nation right. China was glad that his brothers had taken America to task over something.

"They just wouldn't stop. They had me pinned down and were taking turns! It was awful."

Estonia gave America a sympathetic glance from his computer.

"Sorry," the stoic nation said. "You know what they are like."

China could only stare in wide-eyed horror.

"Yeah, but they didn't have to keep going. I mean, I tried to fend them off but it was no use. " America shuddered and put her face in her hands. Shoulders shaking. "They just kept at it."

China flustered and couldn't believe his ears.

"You remember what happened the last time they got you like that." Estonia said gently. "You were in really rough shape."

America could only whimper.

China set off to locate his deviant little sex fiend brothers. He kicked them both in the shins while hitting them with his wok yelling how he'd raised them better than that.

The other nations could only look onward stunned.

Back in the room America turned to Estonia.

"It took me weeks to get that character just right. Fucking weeks! And they just kept ambushing me."

"Yeah," Estonia agreed, "MMORPG's are hard."

"I finally had the set I wanted too," America pouted.

OoOoOo

"Especially when Lithuania kept wanting to dip his wick in my wax," America said in that irritating voice of hers.

However, it was her words that caused Belarus to still. Dip his wick in her wax? That was a Victorian reference to sex. The female nation stilled and covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. She couldn't wait to tell Russia what Lithuania had done to his precious little 'America'.

She rushed off in search of her beloved brother.

America looked at Romania and sighed.

"It ruined the whole candle making experience. Because then the colors got mixed up... but yeah... happy birthday." America said sheepishly before presenting the other nation with a candle that looked eerily similar to a bat.

"You know I'm not a vampire, right?" Romania asked quietly.

"Yeah, but if you were, this would be a really cool gift."

Romania sighed. America was so weird sometimes.

OoOoOo

"English gentleman and the favorite heroine. "

"Really?"

"Yeah, gets me all riled up just thinking about it." America said sensually and England stilled outside the doorway.

English gentleman?

Had America just said that?

English?

There was only one English gentleman here and that was England himself. His green eyes glanced over to see America staring out the window with Canada and his bear at her side.

"It's the best love story ever," America said enthusiastically as the other nation tried to keep her from shouting.

Love story? Really?

"Yeah... okay America, eh. Whatever you say. If you think it's a love story-" Canada tried to placate.

"It will be a great love story, thank you so very much. As soon as said English gentleman realizes his true feelings for the heroine."

England felt himself flush. America and her strange idealist notions of love. Just like her Hollywood movies. Well, if she was waiting for him to make a move, then so be it.

England left the conference to order flowers.

"America," Canada said after a few minutes, "You do know that James Bond is supposed to be the hero... right?"

"What? No. That's stupid. It is obviously Pussy Galore. She is torn between what she has been hired to do, what's right, and true love. Totally a heroine,"

"I really don't think-"

"A HEROINE!" America roared, and Canada could only nod in acquiescence.

OoOoOo

When he walked into the cafeteria, the first thing that hit him were the smells and the sound of America speaking.

"-You know? I can't get _enough_ " America said to Israel as they were stacking their trays in the cafeteria.

"Of what?"

"Turkey." The blonde nation said with a smile.

Said nation turned toward them with his eyes falling on his ally. America was talking about him? Didn't she see him right here?

"That is surprising," Israel said to her as they moved toward the waste disposal. "I thought Turkey was always a little boring."

"What?" America asked clearly shocked at the thought. "How could you even think that! It's Turkey! Turkey is amazing!"

Turkey glanced between the pair and felt his cheeks heat up. So, America did defend him when he wasn't around after all. That was...rather nice to know. He proceeded to ordered his food, as America left with Israel.

He didn't hear the soft tones of Israel asking what else her plans were for Thanksgiving.

OoOoOo

The Italy twins were on their way to the meeting, running late. Northern Italy dropped his pen and it rolled toward the elevator where America was getting off with Germany.

"I can never choose though," she said to the taller nation.

"Ja, I know what you mean."

"Because, you know, Northern Italy is so uncomplicated but still great," America said not paying any mind to the two nations that were staring at her with wide eyes. "However, Southern Italy is just so bold, and full of ... gosh I don't even know, but it always makes me crave more."

"Exactly," German said with a nod, "I have had that problem too."

Northern and Southern Italy could only stare in shock as America and Germany went out the revolving door.

Southern Italy felt his face heat up... America thought he was bold.

Northern Italy blushed because America thought he was great. So apparently, did Germany!

The sweet nation could not take the emotions that welled within him, and promptly fainted. Southern Italy couldn't even muster the words to curse at him, he was too preoccupied with staring at the revolving door.

They had no idea that Germany and America had been discussing menu options at the Olive Garden, on their way to lunch.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Wow. A review in six minutes... that was sort of epic. Thank you!**_

_**As requested. Sealand and Scotland. I will need polandball explained to me though. **_

_**Thank you. I own nothing. Rated M for innuendo. **_

OoOoOo

America didn't understand why Denmark got into a fight with England over flowers, but she decided to keep out of it.

The Netherlands stared at her the whole meeting and China kept apologizing for his brothers.

She had no idea what the heck was wrong with these countries nowadays.

OoOoOo

"-I never mind the breeze," America said to England as Scotland walked by the living room.

"Well, you'd be the only one. Those silly skirts are all the rage these days."

Skirts? Scotland stilled. What were those two talking about?

"Yeah, but the plaid is so nice on some of them," America complemented, "it really shows off the legs."

Plaid? Skirt? Oh no. Scotland felt his menacing aura start to erupt in his nearly instant ire.

"Legs? You're worried about legs? Trust me, the Scottish don't care if you wear the skirt." England said flippantly.

Kilt. It was called a _Kilt_ god damn it. And, yes, real men wore them. Scotland glared at England harshly.

"Yeah, but when the wind blew... well it was a good thing I held it down, or I would have showed more than was necessary."

Wait, what?

Was America talking about a panty flash? When was this? And where the hell had he been?

"Yes, well, that ought to teach you to wear pants instead of skirts."

Kilt. It was a fucking kilt you British wanker!

"Oh believe me, I know, I thought for sure he'd see."

He pondered it so extensively he missed England and America going into the next room.

"That poor policeman would have been scarred for life. But yeah, Scotland yard," she said jovially, "really neat, if not windy, place."

Britain merely sighed and poured more tea. He would never understand women's fashion.

OoOoOo

Norway had been walking down the hall, hoping to find his dear brother Iceland. He had to dodge out of the way as nearby door flew open.

"I always think about Crimea," Hungary said with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Yeah," America agreed momentarily as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Crimea is alright."

There was a heartbeat of silence as he glared at the back of the female nations for nearly banging into him.

"Norway, though," America said with a pointed look to Hungary, "Fucking gorgeous."

"Really?" Hungary asked her as they passed by him as if he weren't there. They stopped in front of the elevator, America laughing happily.

Norway blinked, staring at her with dull blue eyes. Was America complimenting him?

"Oh yeah. Just gorgeous, breathtaking even." America replied with a wide smile.

The Nordic nation could only watch, mystified, as they got into the elevator.

He didn't know that America was suggesting a place for Hungary's vacation.

OoOoOo

"-could See land?" America's muffled voice could be heard as the micro nation tried to tail England so that he could come to the world meeting.

He was a nation too! Even America was talking about him. That proved he should be recognized.

"I don't think so." A deep voice replied. "It doesn't seem right."

"No, honestly," she argued heatedly. "I could..."

Sealand took a few steps closer, pressing his ear firmly to the door. He strained to hear what they were talking about. He couldn't even make out who the other nation was. Only that it was a male.

"-Break in half." The male nation asked.

"No way! We'd get there and 'boom'," America replied laughing, "blown apart... sky-high!"

Sealand paled.

America was going to declare war on him! With some other nation at her side. He would be slaughtered! He scampered down the way, screaming bloody murder for England to save him.

OoOoOo

"Do you want me to hang him?" America asked with a snarl in her voice.

Mexico shook her head emphatically.

Greece turned his head, unable to walk away after hearing such a statement.

"Because I _want_ to hang him," America declared with her hands on her hips. She was glaring at Mexico, who was glaring back.

"Come on now, America," Spain pleaded. "Don't you think you're taking this a bit far?"

"No," the blonde retorted quickly. "Your call Mexico."

"S. T. O. P?"

America started laughing. "No. Now he dies!"

Greece whimpered and slowly back down the hall, the same way he'd come. He would have to tell Turkey that his ally had gone power mad. No, he had to find help. Mexico had been spelling for America to 'stop'. It must have been some sort of code. He hoped it wasn't another world war in the making.

All he knew was that America was bullying Mexico and Spain!

He did not see America draw with the chalk on the board.

"That's one more leg, arm, and two eyes. Ha!" She declared proudly. "I win,"

"Hang man is hard with you, America," Spain complained loudly. Allowing his head to thump on the table. They'd been at this for fifteen minutes, trying to best America.

"What was the word?" Mexico asked, curiously.

America blinked. "Java."

"We said no slang terms!" Spain objected hotly.

"It isn't. It is a script language. Technically, it counts." America said with a wide grin. Mexico laughed.

OoOoOo

America and Hungary were sitting in an office, their eyes glued to thin novel. America took a deep breath as she skimmed the page.

"No," Hungary said, "You have to read it aloud."

The blonde sighed heavily. "Really? How did you even get me to do this?"

"I'm buying you lunch after this."

"Touché. Alright... let's see here."

America read further.

"Okay, this part."

They did not hear the approaching footsteps.

"His body on mine. Oh Russia. I want him so badly that my body aches for him."

Ukraine paused, her eyes wide and her mouth fell open of its own volition. No. She could not have heard what she thought she heard. Ukraine grabbed her chest as if she were having a heart attack, her eyes darting to America, who was speaking with Hungary?

"He took me to his bed," America continued, "where he chained me as I trembled. His room was like a pleasure dungeon. I was his prisoner. I never wanted to get free."

Hungary nodded. Ukraine could not believe her eyes and ears. America was having a torrid love affair with her brother? She was confessing and that prompted the meeker nation to startle. She should not intrude. She had no desire to hear any of this! Ukraine twitched as she tried to hurry past the room as if the hounds of hell were chasing after her.

Inside the room, America paused in her reading and looked at Hungary.

"What?" The other female nation demanded.

"Well, for one... it concerns me that you write doujinshi with Japan about Russia. Two, I am deeply disturbed by what you think he does to Latvia when no one is around. And three, why the hell did you want my opinion for this? It has fucking pictures in it. I can never _unsee_ this."

America glowered at her.

Hungary shrugged. "Lots of Americans read this, and you are their nation."

America groaned. "I did not need to know that."

OoOoOo

Switzerland was searching for Lichtenstein, she had gone to listen to Austria play. He opened and closed a few doors, looking for her. He came to a room where America was talking with Egypt. He walked right past it.

"So handsome," America's voice came from behind him. "So rugged and deadly all at once."

Switzerland blinked and turned back toward the door, but hid off to the side His xenophobia did best him sometimes. He wanted to listen, but not to interact.

However, he was curious. Was she talking about him?

"There is just something about him." America continued with a dreamy sigh.

"You honestly think so?" Egypt sounded slightly off put.

"Oh yeah, nothing can compare to him. As in ever."

Switzerland stared at his shoes. His face beet red.

"I think he's rather irritating myself," Egypt answered readily.

His green eyes narrowed at the slight. He would practice his 'great shot' as America called it.

"What?! How can you say that? You take it back. You take it back right now!" America shouted, and Switzerland felt himself shake.

Who knew America could be so passionate about something so simple as s someone not liking him. He couldn't stay here. He was nearly undone and he needed to find Lichtenstein, She would calm him. Switzerland stumbled off away from the words he could not bring himself to listen to.

"Calm down America!" Egypt shouted back.

"Calm down! Calm down? No one insults John Wayne! He is an iconic fucking cowboy! Now, take it back!" Her eyes flashed a dangerous gleam and Egypt decided it was time to leave.

OoOoOo

France loved himself. He loved himself very much. So it whenever his name was mentioned, he was sure to be there. If only to bask in the adoration due to him.

"-France." Monaco said, and he nearly magically appeared outside the room where his micro nation was speaking with America.

Ah yes, he had a meeting with America in an hour. It surprised him that she was actually early. He would need to compliment-"

"Ugh, France always smells like bad feet." America snarled.

"Or good cheese." Monaco offered.

"Same difference." America retorted.

France felt his world shatter around him. Women thought he smelled like feet and cheese? That was so... _Unromantic_ that he immediately fled to find a bath.

He would regain his former glory!

"The France cafe is famous for its cheese, America," Monaco pointed out sweetly. "We only have to go for a few minutes. However, it will leave a good impression on your meeting with France."

America pouted. "Fine, but you have to help me pick it."

"Deal," Monaco agreed graciously.

OoOoOo

"-then you smash it with a hammer," America's voice drifted through the window.

Ecuador paused. His eyes landing on the blonde nation. Her smile wide and bright.

"But... wouldn't that kill the turtle?" Tonga asked slightly confused.

Kill? Turtle? Ecuador was horrified. He loved animals! America was telling other nations to kill turtles?

"Yeah, that's the whole point." the female nation said with exasperation. "You want to kill as many as possible. Use fire, stomp on them, heck, just keep going!"

The gentle nation felt tears pour down his cheeks. For such a pretty nation, she was a monster! He fled, vowing to save every turtle he could from her cruel clutches.

Tonga looked at America.

"So use the 'x' button."

"Yeah," America said, "and jump on them. Mario gets more points if you do it that way. Watch out for the koopa troopa!"

Tonga ended up having a very nice time playing video games with America.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Yay! Reviews! I adore them.**_

_**I own nothing. Rated M.**_

OoOooO

It had all started innocently, at least innocent on America's part. She had honestly just wanted to know how the country was doing since his city had frozen over.

Said nation had launched into a six minute monologue about how 'damn stupid and ignorant' she was.

Right then and there, America decided that the other nation was a huge asshole.

"Geez, I thought he was supposed to be one of the friendlier nations," America complained loudly as she glared at the door through which the other nation had left.

"I think he is just tired of people making that joke," Canada interjected kindly. Her ally was sitting by her side the whole time, and even patted her on the shoulder after she received such harsh words.

She blinked at him, her face scrunched up in confusion.

"What joke?"

Her neighbor nearly face planted into the desk in surprise. "The joke? A-about 'Hell freezing over'?"

"What are you talking about dude? It was -45 degrees there last week. Of course it froze over," she explained matter-of-factly with her blues eyes flashing behind Texas. "See, this is what I get for being friendly. Some jackass has a mood swing."

"No," Canada said in exasperation, "I mean yes, it was very cold, but the joke about the town name."

"Oh," America said slowly. "_Oh._ Because it's name 'Hell'? That's just stupid. I have a town named that! Heck, I have worse. You don't see me getting pissed off about 'Climax, Georgia'."

There was a heavy pause in the air as Canada stared at her with unblinking eyes.

"You have... a town... called 'Climax'?" He repeated in disbelief.

"Uh-huh, and 'Intercourse'." America blushed slightly, as she noticed Canada's wide eyes. She shrugged. "Hey, it's still better than 'Toad suck'."

"Toad suck?" Canada repeated in a serious tone. "Really?"

"Yep. That and 'Hooker'."

"You have a Hooker?!" Canada exclaimed loudly. His voice reverberated off the walls.

China, who just happened to be passing by paused. He looked at Taiwan, who had also obviously heard the loud exclamation.

"Come one," China commanded forcefully, nearly gritting his teeth.

Taiwan looked at him and then back at the door. "Perhaps if would be better if I stayed-"

"No!" The largest nation denied fiercely. He grabbed Taiwan and drug him further down the hall.

Honestly what was with all these young nations and sex?!

OoOoOo

Prussia was totally awesome, but sometimes he got himself and countless others into trouble. Like the day he decided to play on America's fear of ghosts and the supernatural. It wasn't that he didn't like America. It was just hilarious to watch her freak out over that sort of thing.

So, when he thought it was a great idea to record her reaction to a shambling undead half demon, half-ghost thing, he had not anticipated what she would scream.

Or that the scream would be followed by a much smaller cry for help.

"Ahhh! Russia!" America screamed as she covered her face from the terrifying creature before her. Because Prussia was a wiz with animatronics and computers, so it was very realistic.

"Help," she said softly, almost inaudibly.

Prussia was struck mute from shock. And it did not help that said Slavic nation managed to overhear it and break the door.

Prussia refused to pay for that. Russia was the one that did it. Granted the sight of a wide eyed Russia staring at a trembling America was exceedingly comical, but also deeply disturbing.

As was the large ear to ear grin that bloomed on Russia's face as he smashed Prussia's -highly expensive- animatronics.

"Verdammt!" He bellowed in outrage, giving away his hiding place underneath the table and behind two chairs.

America looked up, her face flushed with sudden rage. Her blue eyes narrowed behind Texas, and her cowlick swayed as she turned toward him with murder written on her face.

He nearly let out a cry of his own.

"You son of a Bitch," she hissed lowly, starting toward him.

Russia held her back.

"Ah ha. Amerika. Am I correct in thinking that you called for my help?"

She paled. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him. Her hands fisted on her hips. "I did not. " She denied hotly. Her gaze moved toward the ground. "i thought you were the one doing it."

America tilted her chin defiantly.

Russia chuckled softly to himself. "Oh? Da? Is that why you said, 'Russia, help!'?"

She glared at the horrible way he mimicked her accent, and he made it sound so damn _lewd. _

_"Stop _that! I did not!" She snarled, turning even more red in embarrassment. Oh lord, she would never live this down.

Russia drew closer, his amusement was highly evident and his eyes were sparkling.

America frowned, knowing she really never was going to live this down. That made her pretty pissed off, and Prussia was very lucky she was such a kind country. She should get medals for this indignity!

"You did. You said 'Russia help!'."

"Shut up!" She snapped. "Don't say it like that!"

"Like what?" Russia asked, with a nearly seductive smile.

She blushed, then paled, and finally blushed again as she mumbled something.

Russia was nearly breathing her air, he was so close.

"What was that?" He asked in a smug tone.

"Like..." she mumbled.

"Like?" He repeated with glee.

England, chose that unfortunate moment to burst in, having heard the scream from earlier.

"We're having sex!" America shouted at the top of her lungs.

"Oh my..." England blurted out, drawing attention toward him. Prussia's eyes were as wide as saucers, and America's were even larger than his.

"Uh..."

"Privet England!" Russia said with a wide smile.

England's mind was racing. He should have given America the flowers. If he had given her the flowers, she never would have had sex with Russia. Oh by his Queen... she was having sex... with... Russia. Was the room spinning?

"England, dude," America started out as she moved toward him. "I can explain." 

Oh... she really was having sex with Russia! England gave a weak sort of confused gurgle before he pitched forward onto the floor in a dead faint.

"Ehrfürchtige," Prussia said with delight and a wide smile.

Unfortunately he drew attention to himself, and America was on him in the blink of an eye. She flipped over the table he was hiding under and looked at his phone pointedly.

"Are you recording this?" She asked lowly.

The albino nation could only nod as Russia clapped his hands in delight.

"You erase that this instant," America warned seriously, "Or I will do things to you that even _he_ can't things of."

Prussia looked at the smiling Russia and then back at the furious face of America. For a moment he actually thought she meant it.

He quickly erased the video. But the memory would live on.

OoOoOo

"America?"

"Yeah dude?"

"Why does it say 'China' on your back?"

"What?"

Taiwan slowed his steps just outside the door, and curiously peaked in. His brown eyes caught sight of America and India standing together in an vacant meeting room. He curiously watched the pair. America said she had a 'hooker' and now he was trying to figure out who it was. Was it a human, or a nation?

Quietly he aligned himself to the door.

"Why does it say 'China' on your back?" India repeated patiently.

"Uh..." She blushed, and stuttered as she pressed her back against a wall. "No reason."

Taiwan stared at America. His brain putting two and two together. His mouth opened and closed several times but no sound escaped. America... and China! China... and America! Honestly, China! That was the reason America bought so many exports from China? She and he were...?

Oh disgusting! Taiwan turned and fled down the hall. He had to tell the others! He had to stop America's exploitation of his friend!

"It was on sale," she attempted to distract from the situation, as she simultaneously attempted to rip off the tag of her shirt. She had forgotten it was still on there. How embarrassing to have 'Made in China' on one of the clothes she was wearing.

Normally, she always went for 'Made in the USA', but it had been a cute shirt and people were encouraging her to spend less...

"You really need to stop buying so much clothing from-" India teased, good naturedly.

"Not one more word." America said.

OoOoOoOo

England had been avoiding America for three days. It was not overly hard, but he wanted to patch things up between them. However, as he neared her hotel room, he heard more shouting.

'Oh please, not Russia again,' he thought with dismay. He couldn't imagine his America with... Russia. Especially not engaging in _carnal _delights.

"I know all about it, so you may as well admit it!" A male voice shouted.

"I have no idea what you are talking about!" America yelled back.

England pushed at the door, unsurprised when it swung open, revealing Taiwan and America both angrily glaring at each other.

"I know all about it." Taiwan repeated stubbornly.

America threw her hands up in the air. "About _what_?"

"You might have the others fooled, but not me," The male nation gloated tauntingly. "When this comes to light, you will be ruined."

England grit his teeth, and clenched his jaw. The little twat was going to tell everyone about America and Russia...being... intimate. Darkness encroached on the edge of his vision. Other nations were not as accepting as England. If the rest of the world found out, there would be plagues, wailing and gnashing of teeth, rivers would dry up, the sun would turn red, the continents would crumble into the sea...

Well, perhaps that was a touch on the dramatic side, but nations would most assuredly 'flip the fuck out'. To quote America.

He had to intervene. It was two fold. One, it would keep Taiwan from telling the whole bloody world about such things, and two... America said she preferred gentleman. England was every inch the gentleman. He had invented them!

What to do? If he interrupted, it could be seen as him covering for America. But... he was.. Therefore he should just say...

"It was me!" England said suddenly.

The pair jumped at the sound of his voice and America blinked at him.

"England?"

"You?" Taiwan said at the same time.

"Yes," England said with false bravado. "What you found out, about America... well, it wasn't America," he continued, trying to spare her.

"It was me," he finished, and his green eyes locked with Taiwan's.

Taiwan's face shifted from surprise, to disgust, to shock, and finally settled on careful neutrality. Though he looked slightly green.

"I see," the dark haired nation said. "I apologize America, I should be going."

He barely made it out the door before England and America heard the tell-tale sounds of someone retching in the hallway.

"Seriously," America said with exasperation. "What the hell is going on with everyone lately?"

England said nothing, but thought it would be a fine time to break into the mini bottles of liquor in the room.


End file.
